A Song of ‘Ceuticals

(To the tune of The Major-General’s Song)

 

Verse 1

They’ll dose you up with trepiline, fluoxetine, and trazodone

And if that doesn’t work they’ll try a little paliperidone

Fluvoxamine, citalopram, and sertraline are S-R-Is

While sulpiride, veralipride, and sultopride are benzamides

 

If serotonin seems to be a problem, try nefazodone

A reuptake inhibitor antagonist like trazodone

Psychosis may require something calming like perphenazine

And lithium is not a thing they only put in batteries

 

(And lithium is not a thing they only put in batteries

And lithium is not a thing they only put in batteries

And lithium is not a thing they only put in batte-batteries)

 

Norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor buproprion

Should not be used with M-A-O inhibitors or buspirone

Duloxetine, paroxetine, remember azamoxapine

These drugs aid serotonin, epinephrine, and your dopamine

(Duloxetine, paroxetine, remember azamoxapine

These drugs aid serotonin, epinephrine, and your dopamine)

 

Verse 2

Although it’s for convulsions, you can also take lamotrigine

To rein in all the feelings that could end in your obituary

Hallucinations can reduce with usage of brexpiprazole

But also weekly shots of thioxanthenes like flupentixol

 

Clonazepam, alprazolam, diazepam are sedatives

And calm you just enough to stop you murdering your relatives

Tricyclics made of clocapramine, molindone, and loxapine

Are not the same as phenothiazines like triflupromazine

 

(Are not the same as phenothiazines like triflupromazine)

(Are not the same as phenothiazines like triflupromazine)

(Are not the same as phenothiazines like trifluproma-promazine)

 

A nutraceutical, I-methylfolate, might improve your mood

Benzodiazepines are always better taken after food

Duloxetine, paroxetine, remember azamoxapine

These drugs aid serotonin, epinephrine, and your dopamine

(Duloxetine, paroxetine, remember azamoxapine

These drugs aid serotonin, epinephrine, and your dopamine)

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