When you don’t want to write

A friend said to me the other day that when I manage to win my battle against procrastination by actually being productive and then find myself in a procrastinating abyss shortly after that, I should just be in the moment, revelling in and embracing the procrastinating experience. Because something wonderful may just come out of it.

However, there is also risk in having this perspective because now I know that surrendering to procrastination has even a minuscule chance that it could spawn magic, I’m now in a state of expectation.

And expectation is a total paralytic kill-joy for me. I become all anxious and judgy and these two traits result in many murders. Not of any real person or thing, but the ideas and creation of what could potentially become real people or things. All those little idea-children evaporate just as the tiny tips of their fingers are seen reaching over the top of the wall.

So no expectation or self-consciousness allowed.

Only surrender and observation.

Allow events to unfold and just go with them.

Just be in that “doing” moment.

Also known as “the zone”/a state of “flow”.

I’ve never made a note before of whether a bout of procrastination has turned into a magically productive “flow” experience. I’m usually numb during and self-punishing after, so if anything did come out of it, it went unnoticed.

So I decided to try again. But not try try.

Just to gooooooo.

Let it floooooooow.

And this is what happened.

A leeettle book:

  

     

     

     

 

And yet another thing to write about.

Which got me thinking whether there is any concept or thing that can not be written about. The same way that there are some things in life (usually feelings) that cannot be expressed with words. But there are words for some of those abstract and complex thoughts/feelings too (identifying with “all-overish” right now).

I still think some things are better expressed through music and dance, and picked up through the subtleties of body language and energy. Although, perhaps that is also subjective because you can never be certain that the way your expression is being perceived by the receiver is the way you intended it to be seen/heard/understood. But isn’t that part of the magic? If we are open to being misunderstood, there’s more room for creativity – interesting connections that would not have been made otherwise.

So we’re all together in this strange cycle of expressing without knowing whether we are ever understood. But does that matter? It shouldn’t take away from the experience of it. Although, as social beings, we tend to want to connect so maybe it depends on what you wish to achieve from expressing yourself.

And there are those expectations again.

Cycles upon cycles.

Overthinking things doesn’t help either.

So let me end it here and put us all out of our misery!

End this post, that is. Not anything else more permanent… (it’s not that bad, is it?)

 

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4 Comments

  1. I watched a Ted Talk about procrastinating the other day. The speaker suggested scaring yourself out of procrastinating. The consequences of procrastinating must be so dire that you’ll do anything to accomplish the task. 😀 He was kind of right. If you don’t cook your dinner, you’ll have to eat stale Weetbix! If you don’t wash your laundry you’ll have to wear uncomfortable clothes next week!

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